Tuesday, May 8, 2012

May 8th - Heather

I've been following a few blogs for a short awhile now.  One of them about a guy in Chicago with a fantastic mission to perform a random act of kindness for everyday of the year.  Another about an expat in Paris.  I read her most recent post this morning and decided instantly that this would be my 5 Things for today.  I'm not as brave as Lindsey to layout 10 insecurites, but in hommage to the "Things I'm Afraid To Tell You" campaign, my 5 things today will be things I'm afraid to admit.

1.  I'm so worried that I'm not motivated enough to accomplish any of the things I truly want in life.  A master's degree, a PhD, losing 100 pounds and learning to live a healthier lifestyle.  These are all things that require great dedication.  And it's all too easy to choose staring at the big tv screen like a hypnotized oaf over reading the thousands of books on my shelves or exercising or cleaning the house.

2.  I'm afraid of being old.  I'm not afraid of dying, quite the opposite, I'm afraid of living.  The idea of having to endure the health concerns and monetary concerns that come with living to an advanced age scare me greatly.

3.  I'm afraid that deep down I do want a loving husband and children.  Some days I think my insecurity protects me from wanting what I'm not convinced exists and that which I don't feel worthy of having.

4.  I'm afraid that my sense of humor will turn into a dreadful bitterness as I age that will render me a hateful angry person in the advanced age I already fear.

5.  I almost joined the Navy.  When I was in high school I was in JROTC.  I disliked very strongly all of the recruiters that came to speak with us except one.  The Navy recruiter was a great guy and he was very close to successful in getting me to commit to the Navy after college.  I convinced myself that I my weight would be too much of an issue and so I cast it aside as a non-option.  I regret that.

We go back to the positivity of thankfulness tomorrow!  But for today, I'm thankful for the mental space to consider some of my insecurities without feeling overwhelmed by them....that's not always easy to do and I hope you're striking that balance successfully!

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